why didn't you poke me back
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
