I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
