Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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