this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
