Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
