You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You need Xanax blowdarts
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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