my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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