So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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