don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
