The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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