"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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