i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
