What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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