And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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