Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize