listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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