somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
