I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
