so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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