mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
