She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
