i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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