he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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