I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
