Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize