turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
