she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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