I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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