You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
