Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
