Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
