I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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