wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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