Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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