What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
