My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
