Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
