He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You may now shotgun with the bride
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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