He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
