Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize