u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
