moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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