oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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