ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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