Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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