fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just pynch a tree in the face
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
