Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
