I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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