I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
