he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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