doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
