I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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