i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
