WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
