all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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