i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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