I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need to calm my uterus...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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