can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you have feelings for this penis?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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