Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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