This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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