You made me cry and you don't even care
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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