turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
