I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
