i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
