That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
