He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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