And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
