dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
