I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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